Last week I wasn’t feeling so good, so I made a short version of picks to pass the time. And had my best week since Week 2. So yeah, maybe I should do this more often. This week, I feel even more confident than before on these picks that I have no covers for any of them. Usually, that means I end up 4-10  or something like that. Either way, let’s get some Snacks and enjoy Week 8. Although, enjoy might be kinda string, since I got 4 “SAFTG!!” this week. Oof

 

Byes: DAL, ATL, TEN, LAC

HOU (-7) over MIA                                                                             Texans 24, Dolphins 16

So, you got a team that lost 3 straight to start, but has now won 4 straight to take hold of 1st place in the crappy AFC South. Versus a team that started hot and is now not, got rushed on by the Lions, lost most of the WRs, and still has Osweller as QB. Yup, a TNF game of 4-3 teams that is a “STAY AWAY FROM THIS GAME!!” This is #1 for the week.

PHI (-3) over JAX                                                                                 Eagles 21, Jags 13

I really had no clue who to pick here at first. Both teams looked incompetent this year. The Jags may finally be done with Bortles. The Eagles blew a 17-0 4Q lead last week. Man, London always gets bad games. Anyway, I got Philly cause Wentz looks better than Bortles.

WAS (+1) over NYG                                                                             Skins 30, Giants 19

I still don’t know how the hell the Giants covered that MNF game. They looked terrible, and did everything to lose by 20. They couldn’t score on one of the worst defenses in the league. They had that 2-point try, and two failed Manning sneaks. And STILL did it. And now they lose The Other Eli and Snacks (Thanks for this), and are a 1-point favorite over 1st place Washington? Yeah, no. This should be a “SAFTG!!”, but Washington might be kinda decent.

CIN (-4) over TB                                                                                     Bengals 33, Bucs 23

PIT (-8.5) over CLE                                                                                Steelers 34, Browns 23

KC (-10) over DEN                                                                                 Chiefs 31, Broncos 17

3 games that I believe to be blowouts. The Bucs still look like crap. I think the Browns have to lose one road game that isn’t close/doesn’t go into OT. Plus the Steelers want something from that tie they had with them. And the Chiefs are still riding Mahomes Magic, while facing Keenum. All this to me sets up well for these scenarios to play out.

CAR (+2) over BAL                                                                                 Panthers 24, Ravens 21

Panthers came back to win vs Philly late, and now are 2-point dogs at home vs. the inconsistent Ravens? Question Rivera and his coaching, but I smell an upset that shouldn’t be one. Upset of the Week right here.

DET (-3) over SEA                                                                                   Lions 27, Seahawks 19

Are the Lions for real now? They won 2 straight, look to FINALLY have a run game, and now got a DT that could help that awful run defense. The next 4 weeks will tell with this game, at Minnesota and Chicago, and at home vs. the Panthers, so we’ll see.

CHI (-7.5) over NYJ                                                                                Bears 31, Jets 16

Only the Bears could throw a Hail Mary at the end of the game, have it be caught, and STILL not get in for a TD. And against the Patriots, of all teams. Oh well. At least you have the Jets this week.

IND (-3) over OAK                                                                                  Colts 28, Raiders 23

SF (-1) over ARI                                                                                       49ers 20, Cards 17

Both of these games? Absolutely putrid. What’s worse? An Colts win puts them at 3-5, and more than likely still in the playoff hunt in the AFC South. Yuck. Both of them are “SAFTG!!”

LAR (-9.5) over GB                                                                                  Rams 41, Packers 28

Yes, a Rodgers’ team is that big an underdog. And yes, it seems stupid to go against this. But two reasons why I am are:

1. The Rams are that good, and their undefeated record proves it.
2. Do you not see this Packers’ defense? Holy shit, it is awful!

The best NFC offense vs one of the worst NFC defenses. Yes, Rodgers should put up points. But I don’t see Green Bay stopping that offense at any point.

NO (+1) over MIN                                                                                    Saints 33, Vikings 30

Hey, remember what happened last time these two teams met? I’m sure you didn’t forget. Well, they meet up once more in Minnesota. Right now, I think the Saints are playing the best that anyone not named the Patriots, Chiefs or Rams are. Sure, they got lucky last week with that miss. But that’s football. I think Brees and co. get their revenge here.

NE (-14) over BUF                                                                                   Patriots 40, Bills 17

Hey, do you want to witness a massacre on live TV? Watch this MNF game then! And yes, this is “SAFTG!!” #4.

 

Last Week: 9-5

Overall Record: 58-49

Yeah, not really feeling it for making all my thoughts known on this week’s NFL picks. So here’s a short version of my picks. Sometimes, it happens.

 

Byes: SEA, PIT, OAK, GB

DEN (+1) over ARI                                                                        Broncos 23, Cards 17

(STAY AWAY FROM THIS GAME!! #1)

LAC (-6.5) over TEN                                                                     Chargers 31, Titans 20

MIN (-3.5) over NYJ                                                                     Vikings 26, Jets 14

JAX (-5) over HOU                                                                        Jags 20, Texans 10

IND (-7.5) over BUF                                                                     Colts 30, Bills 16

(SAFTG!! #2. Esp. if Derek Anderson is starting)

NE (-3) over CHI                                                                            Patriots 31, Bears 23

CLE (+3.5) cover TB                                                                      Bucs 30, Browns 28

PHI (-4.5) over CAR                                                                      Eagles 27, Panthers 20

DET (-3) over MIA                                                                          Lions 28, Dolphins 24

BAL (-2.5) over NO                                                                       Ravens 34, Saints 30

DAL (+2) over WAS                                                                       Cowboys 23, Skins 21

(Upset of the Week, based on spreads)

LAR (-9.5) over SF                                                                         Rams 37, 49ers 21

KC (-6) over CIN                                                                             Chiefs 33, Bengals 23

NYG (+5) cover ATL                                                                      Falcons 31, Giants 28

 

Last Week: 6-9

Overall Record: 49-44

So I found a small, but recognizable pattern this year. The Browns, Lions, and Bills have gotten their wins in the same week this year. They both have 2 wins, but all of them have come together. Will this continue? I hope not. Especially since this was the Browns first Sunday win in 1,029 days. That’s their first Sunday win … since 2015. Yeah, that says alot of your franchise right there. But whatever gets the win, as they keep going into overtime for these games. Speaking of overtime, a shoutout to the Texans for winning the last two games in OT cause the opposing coaches were both goddamn stupid (Although, to be fair to Garrett, that Hopkins play was something out of Madden.) On to this week’s picks.

 

Byes: DET, NO

PHI (-1.5) over NYG                                                                            Eagles 24, Giants 16

Man, what a crap year it’s been for the Eagles. Sure, 2-3 is ok. But compared that to last year, it’s been crap. But what is crap for them, is complete dogshit for the Giants. After the OBJ stuff last week before the game and to finally have an offense come alive, just to see it be null out by a kick that would’ve been good from 70, that’s their year. And now, we get a terrible TNF game between them, no matter what the Fox ads say. Fuck it, I’m saying it. STAY AWAY FROM THIS GAME!! Oh, but it’s not the only one.

IND (+2.5) over NYJ                                                                             Colts 20, Jets 17

SEA (-2.5) over OAK                                                                             Seahawks 31, Raiders 27

Both of these games are also SAFTG!! The Colts are injured and can only rely on the still-might-be-broken Luck. The Jets are still the Jets, so that’s why I’m not taking them. Then the Seahawks and Raiders. Two teams who can’t play defense. I mean, good for the ‘Hawks showing some fire last week vs. the Rams. But man, what did we do to London to make them deserve all these bad games every year? Well, other than looking at a history book to know why.

TB (+3) over ATL                                                                                    Bucs 34, Falcons 30

CIN (-2) over PIT                                                                                    Bengals 30, Steelers 23

My Upset of the Week is the Bucs (cause that went well the last time I took them.) Cause you look at the Falcons’ defense and tell me who they’re stopping? Same with the Steelers’ defense. They may have been stopped the Falcons a few times on drives last week, cause the Falcons couldn’t stop anyone on drives. And shoutout to the 4-1 Bengals, who looks like they will win the division once more, only to eventually lose to some Wild Card team as a 8-point favorite.

CAR (+1) over WAS                                                                                Panthers 27, Skins 20

Drew Brees broke the passing record last week against Washington. And boy, was it easy. No really, it was very easy. The pass defense was TURRIBLE!! Did you see his record breaking play? That was one of the easiest TDs I have seen given up. And now they’re favored vs. Carolina? Don’t care if it’s at home, that’s a stay away.

CHI (-3.5) over MIA                                                                               Bears 24, Dolphins 14

Welcome back to being crap again, Miami. You had a fun 3 weeks. Now enjoy Khalil Mack coming off a bye week.

BUF (+10) cover HOU                                                                           Texans 23, Bills 17

Houston got the win vs. the Cowboys last week. But as said, they shouldn’t be that big of a favorite. And even though Dallas just BARELY covered, I’m still sticking to it. I’m not trusting Houston as 3-point favorites, let alone 10-point favorites, even if it’s Buffalo.

MIN (-10) over ARI                                                                                 Vikings 24, Cards 10

Hey, remember what happened the last time the Vikings were double-digit favorites? Please don’t have that happen again.

LAC (-1) over CLE                                                                             Chargers 31, Browns 28 (OT)

Hey, remember what happened the last time the Chargers played in Cleveland? Well, that was in 2016, and they were still in San Diego. I think this will be a grind-it-out game, as Browns games this year have been. And, another OT game for the Browns as well. I think the Chargers leave this time with a W.

LAR (-6.5) over DEN                                                                               Rams 30, Broncos 21

This might be a trap game as the Rams escaped vs. Seattle last week barely. They do have Von Miller and co. to deal with. But they also still have Case Keenum their defense will go up against. Feels like one, so we’ll see.

TEN (+2.5) cover BAL                                                                            Ravens 24, Titans 23

I don’t know what to make of these two teams. They’re both an enigma. They may stay like this throughout the year. Either way, someone is going 4-2 here, when they really don’t deserve it.

JAX (-3) over DAL                                                                                   Jags 24, Cowboys 20

Everything bad happened last week for the Jags. Mahomes, Bortles, the turnovers, Bortles, just sloppy play …. did I mention Bortles? Cause he was as bad as he ever was. The good news? They got Mahomes to turn it over for the first time this season. The better news? They face Dak, who is still struggling to pass. Should be close, but I think they pressure him into enough TOs for Bortles to do just enough.

KC (+3.5) cover NE                                                                                Patriots 34, Chiefs 32

This may be the game of the day for any sports. The unbeaten Chiefs in Foxborough. Mahomes vs. Brady. Two defenses who are still suspect. This could be a shootout, with both going back-and-forth. Even though they won last year in these circumstances, I will give the Patriots the edge here cause of said home-field magic bullshit.

GB (-9.5) over SF                                                                                   Packers 34, 49ers 20

Oh, Mason Crosby. You were …. yeah. That was ugly. Missing 4 FGs and an extra point to the tune of losing a game by 8 points will do that. And yet, they still lost by 8 points to the Lions. Everyone will blame him, but why not blame Rodgers? Yes, he had a big game, but he also got strip sacked 2 times that lead to 10 Lions points. That should be on him as much as Crosby. Hell, I am going to blame him for that. You lost the game for the Packers, Rodgers. Not Crosby. You should be ashamed of yourself for letting him take all the blame, asshole. Nice job losing the ball when it mattered. (Oh yeah, I’m enjoying this bye week immensely.)

Anyway, they now face the 49ers, who might be the worst team in the NFL without Jimmy G. They lost to the Cardinals at home last week, and even got a SNF game flexed cause of it. Thanks for giving us Bengals-Chiefs next week. And enjoy a pissed-off Rodgers, who the ESPN people will suck off all night.

 

Last Week: 8-7

Overall Record: 43-35

So last week happened. And by that, I mean, why did I picked the Bucs and Dolphins? Oh god, what a shitshow from both. I didn’t pick the Dolphins to win, mind ya. But man, that Bucs defense gave up 5 TDs. To Mitch Trubisky. In the FIRST. HALF!!! How is that possible?! Everyone shitted on Fitzpatrick for how he turned out. And while he didn’t do much, he didn’t give up all those TDs. Also, shoutouts to the Bills for getting shutout by a crappy Packers defense, the Vikings’ defense for disappearing altogether, the Browns for knowing how Lions fans feel (the refs screwing you over, not going 0-16), the dumb decision by the Colts and DEFENDING said dumb decision, and Mahomes still looking great. Also, Yui has a message for the Seahawks.

All that from an under .500 week. Here’s this week’s picks

 

BYES: CHI, TB

NE (-10.5) over IND                                                                        Patriots 34, Colts 20

The Patriots looked like them old selves against the Dolphins last week, and get Edelman back this week. The Colts are a mess, did another stupid play that cost them, and get to play in NE after that 4 days later. Not even gonna bother taking the points here.

CIN (-6) over MIA                                                                           Bengals 27, Dolphins 17

Remember when we thought the Dolphins would take the AFC East last week?

Yeah, no one outside of Miami thought that would happen

BAL (-3) over CLE                                                                           Ravens 21, Browns 17

Browns, you were so close last week. That was as bad as officiating as I have seen. And I seen plenty. You deserve better. That being said, I think the Browns lose in another Browns-like fashion this week.

NYJ (-1) over DEN                                                                           Jets 17, Broncos 13

TEN (-4.5) over BUF                                                                       Titans 20, Bills 10

Oof. These are two games that just wreak of offensive ineptitude, and I don’t want to be near them. I don’t care that the Titans are 3-1 and just beat the Eagles. These are both “STAY AWAY FROM THESE GAMES!!” as you should do.

CAR (-6.5) over NYG                                                                      Panthers 28, Giants 17

Another team you should stay away from is the Giants. Oh man, Eli is dead and there is nothing that can replace him at the moment. It’s gonna be another long day as they face the Panthers’ defense.

DET (+1.5) over GB                                                                         Lions 31, Packers 28

Good news. The Packers’ defense got a shutout. The Bad news. That was against the Bills. The Lions aren’t the Bills. As much of a mess as they are, the Lions’ problems isn’t their offense, unless Stafford gets injured. (Which, I expect him to, as Clay Matthews takes him down, but no RTP gets called. Cause that’s what happens with Stafford.) I expect this game to be a shootout, with gimpy Rodgers on one leg throwing all over, but the Lions pull it out late, cause the Packers’ defense is as inept. Except against the Bills.

PIT (-3) over ATL                                                                              Steelers 31, Falcons 26

Speaking on inept defenses, the Falcons. That has lead them to a 1-3 start, and now they get another 1-3 team in Big Ben and the Steelers. Their defense is also not as good, so expect this one as well to be a shootout. At least Bell is coming back soon, huh? That matters, right?

KC (-3) over JAX                                                                               Chiefs 27, Jags 23

This should be fun. Mahomes vs. Ramsey. The Chiefs offense vs. the Jags defense. Bortles vs. the not-as-good Chiefs’ defense. It should be fun. It also should show us more of the Chiefs. Yes, they’re 4-0, but they’re best competition so far has been the 2-2 Chargers. They got the meat of their schedule coming the next 3 weeks, with the Jags, Patriots and Bengals all coming. The good news is that 3 of their 4 games so far have been on the road, and only the Patriots game is on the road. We’ll see how good Mahomes is after these games.

OAK (+5) cover LAC                                                                        Chargers 34, Raiders 33

A close, fun shootout game between Rivers and Carr? Sure, why not. As long as the refs don’t decide it here.

SF (-4) over ARI                                                                                49ers 20, Cards 14

Another “SAFTG!!” pick, cause this game is yuck.

PHI (-3) over MIN                                                                            Eagles 30, Vikings 20

A rematch of the NFC Championship game, which may end up like last year. Cause what the hell happened to the Viking’s defense? It’s one thing for the Rams to score on you on a TNF game, that’s fine. But the Bills? After what Green Bay did to them last week? This team is a mess, and might need some fixing up. It doesn’t help that Cousins get pressured alot. And I do mean alot.

LAR (-7) over SEA                                                                            Rams 34, Seahawks 21

The Seahawks got the finger from Earl Thomas last week. And now they’re gonna get fingered by the Rams. Wait, I said that wr-

DAL (+3.5) over HOU                                                                     Cowboys 28, Texans 17

My Upset of the Week, cause who the fuck thought Houston, in any way, shape, or form, should be 3.5 point favorites over anybody?!

NO (-6.5) over WAS                                                                         Saints 37, Skins 28

Congrats to Drew Brees, when he more than likely takes hold of the “Most Passing Yards by a QB” title in this game. I gonna say at least 350 in this game vs. Washington.

 

Last Week: 6-9

Overall Record: 35-28