It feels good to be back. It’s finally NFL season once more, and I’m not gonna lie. I’m finally in a writing mood to make this thing happen. I been trying to get back to it, but work has, once again, taken over my life, and I don’t know how much I will post on here at the given time (cause they are too fucking cheap to hire anyone to help cover a shift). But, I will try to find the time hopefully soon, and start to post more on here, and not just about football. I have one that I really want to talk about, so it might be coming sooner than you think.
Anyway, we are back on the football grind, and …. wait, what’s this? MY TEAM is the opening game? THE LIONS?! Against the Super Bowl champs? WTF IS THIS REALITY?! Yes, it seems surreal that the Lions are the kickoff to the NFL Season, along with every media member’s favorite dickrider QB, Patrick Mahomes, but that’s how much the expectations of the Lions this year have been shot up. They are the favorite to win the NFC North this year, so why not showcase them in the 1st game vs. the Chiefs? Sure, Bears fans think their “2023 NFL MVP and Super Bowl Winner” Fields should’ve been it, but oh well. You get your shot in 2 weeks. I’ll give the line for this game later, but for now, it’s time I get to the predictions for this 2023 season. It’s gonna be a wild ride, and I don’t know how it will play out, as last year showed, so let’s get this going, shall we?
AFC
AFC East
Buffalo: 11-6
Miami: 9-8
New England: 7-10
NY Jets: 6-11
So this should be fun. Aaron Rodgers is now with the Jets, and he brought some friends from Green Bay with him (along with Cook from Minny), and he is gonna be in a stacked league led by Josh Allen and the Bills, Tua and the Fins, and Old Bill and the Patriots. It will be interesting to see how this unfolds. Now, you might be wondering why I have the Jets in last with Rodgers? Go look at their first 8 games. That’s why. That is a murderer’s row they got, and while the Broncos I believe aren’t gonna be tough, they pissed them off this offseason with their comments about them. Whoops. If they survive that, they should be able to contend. That is, if 40 YO Rodgers still has it. The rest is chalk. This is still the Bills’ division, but we need to see how they do in the postseason, as they keep failing there. The Fins’ hopes and dreams all rest on if Tua still has any brain matter left in him. And while the Patriots should have a top defense, they are still led by Mac Jones and a terrible offense. Fun division, hard schedule, but should make for a good year of football.
AFC North
Bengals: 11-6
Steelers: 10-7
Ravens: 8-9
Browns: 7-10
Could this be the most competitive division in the league? We’ll see. It’s interesting to see that alot of these teams here could actually compete for the top spot. Yes, that includes the Browns. I know, it’s weird saying that, but they do got alot of talent on that team that can compete. The main question of course is how Watson will look. Last year, he looked like a bum (in more ways than one). So if he’s at least above average with the offense and defense they have, North teams better look out. The Ravens finally signed Lamar to that contract, but at what cost. They still should be good, but I do believe the Bengals and Steelers have surpassed them. The Bengals should be top dog, err, cat, again, but watch out for the Steelers. Alot rest on Kenny Pickett’s shoulders, but TJ Watt being healthy helps this team immensely, and you know how Tomlin doesn’t finish below .500. The schedule for all the teams is pretty mediocre, so we could see many wins here for the North teams.
AFC South
Jacksonville: 9-8
Tennessee: 7-10
Houston: 5-12
Indianapolis: 3-14
Uggggh, do I really have to talk about the AFC South? Fine. The schedule for the South is not pretty, and while I do think Jacksonville will be the winners, that may be by default. I think they are still a year away from really competing, so Jags fans can be happy with their on-coming future. The Titans, not so much. This is a team that wants to compete, but with many pieces that scream “LOL No”. Their window is closing rapidly, and it may already be too late. A rebuild is definitely in the process there. Speaking of rebuilds, Houston and Indy. Houston did add some other pieces to it to make themselves better, but trusting in a 1st year Ohio State QB in CJ Stroud is a giant red flag. And then there’s the Colts. I do not see them being competitive this year, even in a shit AFC South. Richardson is gonna die on the field like all Colts QBs have the last decade, and they got a giant mess with ownership and whatnot. The Jags, congrats! You are now the poster boy of this crap division.
AFC West
Kansas City: 12-5
LA Chargers: 10-7
Denver: 6-11
Las Vegas: 4-13
As usual, this is the Chiefs’ division until proven otherwise. The Chargers being 10-7 isn’t my worst prediction (see me putting them in the Super Bowl with the Rams last year lol), but the schedule for them plays out pretty well. They could start the season 3-0 even. If they don’t Charger on the field. Denver has a new coach in good ‘ole Sean Payton, but he has his hands full, as he needs to show us that Russell Wilson isn’t washed up. If he isn’t, I can see them being better than last year, especially with that defense. If it’s the same, expect more Patrick Star memes. Also not helping is losing two of their best WRs already. Ouch. DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA RAIDERS I expect ….. to be shit. I can’t see them getting better with Jimmy G, and not improving on an already bad defense. It’s gonna be a long season for Vegas. Just keep Jimmy away from all the Vegas women, Raiders.
Playoff teams: Chiefs, Bills, Bengals, Jags, Steelers, Chargers, Fins
NFC
NFC East
Philadelphia: 13-4
Dallas: 10-7
NY Giants: 9-8
Washington: 4-13
I really hate to say it, cause it pains my soul to do so, but …… I think the Eagles are the best team in the NFL right now. They added a bunch to their already good roster, and got some dudes back as well. They drafted great as well, and being led by Hurts, I think they aren’t gonna be beat on many days. Sure, you still have the Cowboys and Giants here, after what they did last year. There is no Zeke for the Boys anymore, and now they have Trey Lance, which could he take over if Dak doesn’t live up to the hype (again)? Ehhhhhh, probably not. The Giants still have a great defense with some pretty good talent on offense. Sure, you didn’t pay Saquon, and instead gave Daniel Jones $40 mill per year. No biggie. Either way, I can see these two teams fighting for a Wild Card spot, and they can go either way with how they end up below the Iggles. The biggest winner in the division though? The Commies! Only cause they are FINALLY free from the reign of Dan Snyder. No, I don’t think they are gonna compete whatsoever this year with anyone, with Howell leading the way. But hey, the future may be bright, I guess.
NFC North
Detroit: 10-7
Minnesota: 8-9
Green Bay: 8-9
Chicago: 5-11
Is this what it’s like to have hope? To have dreams? To be at the top? Well, we are about to find out for the Lions, as they are the favorites to win the NFC North this year. After going 5-1 in the division, even against a Vikings team that won 13 games, they will face squads that will be alot different than before. The Lions actually did improve by getting some free agents on defense that should help, along with getting Tracy Walker back. Plus, they got Montgomery from the Bears, as he should help that RB game. Sure, Williams is out for 6 games, cause the NFL is stupid in policing things, but we’re used to this. The Packers and Vikings lost alot from their teams. No more Rodgers for the Pack, and the Vikings lost Cook and many on defense. But they still got Jefferson on their team to make big plays, and the Packers will be looking to see if Love can continue a tradition of Packers QB succeeding. Plus, they both still got talent on their sides, so it won’t be too bad. The Bears though? They will be bad. Bears fan need a reality check in the worst way, esp. when they finished with a top 3 draft pick, and think they are gonna compete. Maybe they should have Fields learn to throw to his own teammates first before thinking they are Super Bowl-bound. And no, their defense still stinks, and they still have no O-Line to protect Fields. But please, post more highlights of Fields running for a 70-yard touchdown, as he cuts the other team’s lead down to 24 points, Bears Twitter account.
NFC South
New Orleans: 8-9
Atlanta: 7-10
Tampa Bay: 5-12
Carolina: 5-12
Wait, we have a mediocre South division that I believe will produce no teams that won’t finish above .500. AND IT’S NOT THE AFC SOUTH?! *GASP* Yes, I feel this is the weakest division in the league, as even the AFC South has Jacksonville. This? I have no feeling anywhere that any of these teams will be good. New Orleans is my default team for the winner here, as they probably have the most there. Derek Carr is now, unironically, the best QB in this division, but it’s not saying much. The rest of the team is kinda a mess, and Dennis Allen is a coach many Saints fans wanted gone last year, but still has free reign on this team. Atlanta, I seen some say might be a surprise pick to win and shock some, but do you really believe that? Depending on how Desmond Ridder plays, that offense could score 30 points/game, while its defense gives up 35 per game. The Falcons also still have Falconing in play, which …. yeah. The Bucs were a mess last year with Brady, and this year are still a mess, but with 2 QBs in Mayfield and Trask that you can’t really tell the difference in who’s better. From what I heard/been seeing with the Panthers, it is not looking good either for them. They do got Bryce Young now, which is a plus, and hoping that he can be good in this league. But I don’t see them going anywhere with Frank Reich right now, especially with how he sucked in Indy. Sorry, there’s not alot more I can say about this division that isn’t filled with mediocrity.
NFC West
San Francisco: 12-5
Seattle: 10-7
LA Rams: 7-10
Arizona: 2-15
Are you ready for the terror that will fall on you that is …. BIG COCK BROCK?! That is, if his arm is functional. Brock Purdy came out of nowhere last year, literally, to take over the 49ers, and almost led them to the Super Bowl, until the Eagles broke him (and the other QBs). Yes, we still don’t know much about him given his sample size, but he did just enough to guide this team last year. And quite frankly, that’s all they need as well this year, as both sides of their units are loaded, and they will compete with the Eagles over who will be #1 in the NFC this year. As long as they don’t have to rely on kicking, but that’s another story. Then there are the Seahawks, who are also loaded with talent. Geno Smith is a success story for how he looked done, but Pete Carroll somehow rejuvenized his career. He has a whole fleece of talent on offense that should help him, and given that their defense is pretty good, I can expect them to put up a fight with the Niners. The Rams are in a weird spot right now. Stafford is back, but this team feels like they fell off the cliff after hitting the peak. Donald is still there, they do got some talent. But can they stay healthy? Kupp is already injured, and be out for a bit. I can see them, if everything goes right, winning 10 games, and also losing 12 games for how poorly it can get. And then there’s the Cardinals. There are no other words to describe them: It’s a full-on tank for them. Kyler might not be ready to play till late season, or even play at all. They give up one of their best players cause he was too expensive to trade, and another one for barely a nickel. The 2 QBs they have would barely be starters in the USFL, and their defense is gonna be dogshit. Hell, I think giving them 2 wins may be too much. Could this be our 1st 0-17 team? Stick around to find out!
Playoff teams: Eagles, Niners, Lions, Saints, Cowboys, Seahawks, Giants
Super Bowl Prediction
Until something changes, I think we get an Eagles/Chiefs re-match. Yes, the Niners should be good, and the Bengals will be wanting revenge on the Chiefs. But for now, these are the two best teams in the league, and I think the Eagles get it this time.
Now that my predictions are done, it’s time to get to some Week 1 picks
DET (+4.5) cover KC | Chiefs 28, Lions 24
So I make these picks as I write this stuff down or earlier in the day. You know the drill. Here, I have the Chiefs winning, but Lions covering. So of course, as I already wrote this out, the news comes out that Travis Kelce is out for the game. Along with Chris Jones being out for wanting a raise, this is looking better for the Lions tonight. We’ll see how it plays out.
WAS (-7) over ARI | Commies 23, Cards 10
It’s only week 1, and we already have a STAY AWAY FROM THIS GAME!! These teams are gonna be shit, and it’s gonna be shit.
NO (-3) over TEN | Saints 23, Titans 19
After all I said about the NFC South, and I already giving the Saints a win lol. To be fair, it is at home, and I don’t trust the Titans in the Superdome.
PIT (+2.5) cover SF | Niners 28, Steelers 27
CIN (-2.5) over CLE | Bengals 27, Browns 23
Maybe two of the best games on Sunday, with 3 involving AFC North teams. Cincy/Cleveland hate each other, so there will be no love-loss there. PIT/SF has teams with some of the best defenses in the league, going up against 2nd-year QBs who have some hype to them. It should make for two great games.
HOU (+10) cover BAL | Ravens 31, Texans 24
Do I believe the Texans won’t be good this year? Yes. Do I believe that the Ravens shouldn’t be 10-point favorites over anyone, until they can prove they won’t blow it stupidly like they done the last couple years? Also yes.
ATL (-3.5) over CAR | Falcons 33, Panthers 27
MIN (-5.5) over TB | Vikings 23, Bucs 14
JAX (-5) over IND | Jags 30, Colts 15
Two 5-point favorites facing teams that I think are gonna be bad. The thrill of being right, and the disappointment when the teams lose to them is real.
PHI (-4) over NE | Eagles 27, Patriots 17
It’s only been 5 years since the Eagles beat the Patriots in the Super Bowl, and one of these teams is looking to go back to that glory once more. The other is hoping Bill O’ Brien is better at offense than the fat duo of Patricia/Judge were.
LAC (-3) over MIA | Chargers 34, Fins 30
Would it not surprise you if this game in Week 1 has playoff ramifications at the end of the year? Both are teams that did make the playoffs last season, and both want to go back. So it’s not surprising that this could be a big game. It’s also not surprising that I am going with a high amount of points, cause it’s the Chargers way.
DEN (-3.5) over LV | Broncos 20, Raiders 13
Broncos fans, let’s ride! …. all over the Raiders’ hopes and ambitions.
LAR (+5.5) cover SEA | Seahawks 29, Rams 26
This might be surprising, but like in the last regular season game of last season, I think the Rams keep this close throughout. Except they have Stafford leading the way and not Baker. Sure, losing Kupp hurts, but never underestimate a rivalry, as the Rams/Seahawks is still a big rivalry between them.
GB (+1) over CHI | Packers 31, Bears 28
The Lions are 10-10 vs. the Packers in the last decade. The Vikings are 8-10-2 against the Packers the last decade. Why do I bring this up? Because the Bears have only 3 wins total vs. the Packers the last decade. THREE!!! Until proven otherwise, the Packers still own the Bears.
NYG (+3.5) over DAL | Giants 24, Cowboys 21
This is my Upset of the Week, based on spreads. As I said above, I think these teams are basically even, and you can put them in whatever order behind the Eagles. Now, why do I have the Giants here? Cause it’s a home game, and I think they are underestimating the Giants here, giving the Cowboys the favorite tag. I may be wrong, as the Cowboys did beat them here last here with Cooper Rush, so who knows. Just a gut feeling.
BUF (-2.5) over NYJ | Bills 24, Jets 17
It is the start of the Aaron Rodgers era in New York, and maybe, for the sanity of Jetties fans, the start of something good. Personally, I don’t care if he succeeds or fails as a Jet. As long as he is gone from my division, I’m happy for that. He’s your problem now, AFC East. That being said, I still have Josh Allen in this one, cause you don’t know what you’ll get with a 40 YO QB.
Those are my picks. Those are my predictions for the season. Let’s have a fun 2023 season this year, everyone!
greensupercedric 